Women of the virgin territory

Someone thought its a good idea to advocate the advantages of hugging; and what we have is a newspaper article that spouts a lot of theories and practices on the science of hugging. Considering the fact that its written for an Indian audience, it had a lot of practical tips towards the etiquette for hugging. As I read the article, a very amusing revelation came to me. I haven't hugged anyone for the past ten years, and I am stopping at ten coz I can't be sure about the time before that.

Why?

Coz its not part of the culture I grew up in. Yes, I believe that even our traditional form of greeting is a chaste namaste. Especially, if you are of the female species, people are reluctant to touch you. Even fathers, mothers and brothers keep off girls once girls step into their teens. Now does that mean I am deprived, well no; I can't miss what i don't know. No wonder, girls of this nation develop a highly sensitive sense of personal space. Try standing next to a woman in a crowded bus, I bet most men can sense that barrier that says, 'cross at your own peril.'

Its just a small thing yet the result of a cascading effect of the bigger picture that defines the status of women in India. And that status dictates that unmarried woman should be untouched virgins. (By the way, whats the link between touching and virginity?) Just watch a mega serial (that almost the entire nation watches) to know how important it is. That's why India is one of those corners of the world where you can hunt for virgins in their twenties and maybe even older. Whats with the virginity stuff? Why aren't men expected to be virgins? Was this a bright idea of someone to control the great Indian population burst?

Some of the undesirable side effects of this obsession with virginity is the social stigma that is pinned onto women who aren't virgins and still unmarried. Take for example the way rape victims are treated. The fact that there are very few rape victims who actually talk about it is a cold reminder of the fear of stigma; the automatic statements that twist the woman's character so much so that she is assumed to be responsible for what happened to her. By the way, have you ever realized that married bharathiya bahu's with children but very limited brain development barely enough to support family, fight with in laws and gossip about neighbors seem to be respected more than women who are professionally successful and generally more productive to society?

But then what can be expected of a nation which treats woman as men's property. Where even a woman's identity has to be substantiated with the father's or the husband's name. It's such a bad bargain. But it does have its advantages if you want a passive simplistic life (meaning just eating, sleeping, sex and looking pretty).

I don't care much for it coz, I know I will die within the first twenty four hours of such a life, and of course I ain't pretty. But I do have my radar and I can bet that no one matches the abilities of a hyper active inbuilt radar system to leering men like that of an Indian woman's.

To my right - survey

Hey guys, I am taking a survey. Its very simple. Just answer the question below as a comment.

What do you think is right and wrong?

Bride and prejudice

Bride seeing ceremonies have a very distinct effect on me - a mixture of disgust, despair, annoyance and a little bit of hope. Curiously though, that negligible amount of hope seems to sway my entire reasoning towards submission. And after going through the routine, I have become used to it, even though I still get the urge to do something nasty to the unsuspecting groom's party. Even though I protest rather loudly, I am no more rebellious about this subject as I was before; especially when I am painfully aware that I myself have failed in this department rather miserably.

Finally, after spending five hundred buck on a shrink who said, I need to find a right guy for myself (duh! as if I don't know.) I decided that some soul searching is needed in this department. So, I sat down and really thought; not my usual flashes of genius type but by aid of a series of questions raised by the great sage, Yavanshi.

Q: What am I looking for?
A: Someone who would see me as an individual and not as a mass product of society (well, no one seems to want custom made stuff anymore. Made in India's simmering cauldron of social zombism is the preferred brand for brides, and needless to say, I don't fit the bill.)

Q: Why would I marry?
A:Obviously for love (what? did I say something funny.)

Q: Do I really need to marry?
A: If I will be better of married that single then yes, otherwise no. And that's solely dependent on my tolerance level to the unlucky chap, if ever there is one. And that in turn is dependent on how much I can love him.

Q: Whom would I love?
A: Hum, a guy I can respect. Someone who would love me enough to be there as the warm home I can get back to after wandering the worlds. Someone who will not only patch me up but also accept me patching him up when the need arises. (Someone tell me if I just eliminated the entire male population of the earth.) Oh yeah, and someone who is like minded enough to toss ideas like adoption and some noodles when I am tired. (Now that completes the elimination I suppose.)

Q: What can I give?
A: Love and understanding (like why men prefer football games to their wives), leeway (like he can have lunch,only, with a female friend but better be home for dinner), consideration (spare him the girl shopping) and freedom of thought (he can think and say that my violin playing skill are scientifically subzero and I won't cry, though i might still keep at it even harder.)

Q: Do I want to get married?
A: To the right guy yes. To the wrong one, I would rather run all the way to the north pole.

Q: Have I looked for Mr right?
A: Well, don't know how do that. At least I haven't asked men if they are married or otherwise within the first five minutes of knowing them.

Yavanshi, the great sage thought for a while and then finally gave her verdict.

"You are looking for a highly endangered species. Even if you find one, it will be a crime to waste him on you. But if by chance you do get Mr right, then that goes down in history as a miracle."

Why do we always hope for miracles? Even when we know it doesn't happen often these days. Same reason why we buy pop corn at the theater knowing very well it will cost ten times that of its actual price; coz its a luxury to hope.

Moms and daughters

Kanathil muthamital.
I had no idea what drove me to watch that movie and whats so special about that movie apart from Manirathnam's great direction, until a friend of mine tried to explain. She said that the movie touches a cord in everyone as they can relate to the anguish of a child who realizes that the woman she assumes as her mother is not hers and the hunger there after to know her real mother. Try as I might, I still cannot understand it at all.

Every time, I see a mother and a daughter, I wonder whats so special about this relationship that makes two women not only get along but actually love each other for a life time. Given the fact that I have the least experience on the subject, it still remains an enigma to me. For someone who lost her biological mother when young and then having to accept someone else in her mothers place, I would say that there are some unique points that you may not be aware of. Hence, I would say you can refrain from judgement.

Call it cruel, heartless, sick, demented or anything else, but I stubbornly refused to cry when my biological mother died. No one including me understood why (though a lot chose to talk about it behind my back.) I just didn't cry. All the while my brother was kicking and screaming for her, I just laid my head on my grandam's lap and watched her cry. After all these years, though I am not sure why I didn't grieve, I think I have a logical reason. Maybe because I wasn't sure about the relationship I shared with my mother. She was there but I guess I was raised more by my grandparents than my own parents. No regrets there though.

Surprisingly though, it took me even longer than my brother to accept a brand new mom. It took me over 15 years of fighting and compromising to get to the point where we can actually sit and talk and laugh together. I can now safely say that in our own way, we love each other. Boy relationships are so hard to build.

Now, every time I see a mother and a daughter duo I don't bother to wonder what it would be like. Instead I smile knowing that they will wonder the same way when they see me and my mom.

Let there be copy paste

God and the Devil were playing a game of cards. As usual God was winning and Devil decided that the game was rotten. So he suggested an alternative.

"You know that game we used to play long time ago" Devil said in his silky voice that had deceived so many before.

"Yeah" God said noncommitally. He remembered the game very well. The last time they played that game, they had a cloned sheep on their hands and it had taken all of His skills to make it stop at that.

But Devil was so bored, he wanted to be entertained and what better way than playing with humans. So, he went on "lets play that game again. I am bored."

"Restless as ever, if I had your energy, the world would be a better place." God sighed.

"yeah yeah, whatever. You are lazy but good and I am active but bad. Now shall we play or what."

God thought hard, to be frank, even he was bored. So he nodded and said, "so whats the arguement this time."

Devil can be super sharp when he is excited, so he promptly said, "I say your humans are the least creative of the lot. Given a chance they would xerox you and me and themselves."

"And I should say they are more creative than you give them credit for."

Devil rubbed his hands in glee and said, "we each get one chance to amend and thats all. Now let the game begin."

God stood up from his throne and for a moment thoght, then he said, "ah, well, at least its not as bad as cloning." He then raised his staff and lowered it with might as he said, "let there be copy paste."

a year later...
Sure as the Devil suggested, there were xerox machine everywhere. People copy pasted everything from books to quotes. People fought and complained about the rightful owner of material and the world was heading towards chaos.

One particular individual was having a nice time though. "You know, I am having a great time, seems like the whole world is copy pasting now. What are you going to do." Devil was leering at God unconciosuly.

"You will see. And stop leering at me. I know I am handsome, but I am not your type."

"I know, you are such a bore. But a little leering keeps boredom away."

The next day, the first copywright laws were passed and copy pasting became a crime, if done without consent of the owner.

Upstairs Devil said, "as if thats going to stop them."

But it did stop them for a while. The xerox machines were there but people took the effort to think and write for themselves. This annoyed the hell out of the devil. So what he did was appear in the dream of a corporate manager and wispered copy paste into his ears. This guy was already having trouble deciding whose work was good and whose was bad. The devils idea came at the perfect time.

He went to his office the next day and asked all his employees to line up. He chose the guys whom he thought had written the best proposals and software programs and asked his other employees to copy paste these best guys' works. Thus copy paste became the new mantra of corporate world.

Soon, everything from cola add scripts to books to software were copy pasted. Corporates fround that they made more money simply by copy pasting than actually writing their own scripts.

God was sitting bent with his hands supporting his chin, the devil was dancing around him singing
"God has a problem, yo ho ho and a funny day for him.
God made copy paste and yo ho ho he has a problem."

God look on with disgust and said, "awh please cut it out. You look stupid dancing like that."

Devil didnt care, he was happy, "Admit defeat Mr.God. Your men are no more creative."

God sighed and said, "ah well, who cares, even I am bored or taking care of those damn fools. I will let them be. They better find a way out soon."

No joy ride but...

You want to have a slice of Chennai, take the metro bus. Countless friends have asked me why I commute the hard way everyday. Apart from the fear of ending up as a plus mark on one of the city roads, despite all the inconvenience, the bus is entertaining.

Take yesterday for example, after a tiring day at work and an even more tiring wait at the bus stop; I finally got into a bus from CMBT heading towards Guduwancherri. It was one of those day where the Gods are playing cards or something and so don't waste time showing mercy. So, I didn't get a seat. Even as I was hanging on for dear life as the driver was testing the durability of the breaks, the sheer variety of life around me was quite over powering. Two college girls engaged in idle chatter in their typical, "no-yaaar-i-prefer-mobile-phones-with-glitters" conversation. Apart from the faint smile they elicited in me, they were completely worthless in substance. So, I scanned the confines of the bus for another interesting character. There was this smart guy down the narrow passage, who was cool to the eye but hard on sensibility. He was crooning to some darling over the other of the phone in a baby voice. Boy, isn't there a place for such things.

Next in line were two old men. Thankfully they didn't have cellphones and so were communicating the old way-facing each other and talking. They were of course talking about the Ps - pension and politics. Just ahead of me were two working woman. They were still wearing their ID tags and so I know they are from Covansys. I wanted to ask them the trick of wearing ID tags. I hate wearing mine even inside the office and feel thats its too heavy and bulky for my liking. Had I asked they would have known that my brain is pickling, so I just listened and soon enough I know they are paying housing loans, their company still follows slavery and every other woman apart from these two angels in Covansys is a b****. In between all this one of their husband had the gal to call and got a curt, "feed the kid and put him to sleep" reply. After some time my ears were buzzing so I moved on.

A daily wages laborer was throwing a tantrum that the bus wasn't moving fast enough and her husband and baby boy of 23 will be waiting in hunger. Ever eager to set the record straight, the conductor dove in and said that if the traffic wouldn't budge, its not his problem. To this he got a cool "if you guys don't drive properly, why wouldn't there be traffic hold ups" reply at which point the conductor decided he would doze rather than talk. One of the woman asked the lady how she got the scars on her face and promptly they settled into comparing war injuries. All this was just too much for me and I was begining to cling to a pole and close my weary eyes when I opened them startled. The women was saying, "these scars are from my husband when he hit me. Nothing wrong with that though, I deserved it you know."

I tried thinking for a while but then gave up. what the hell! its not me anyway.

Fist full of stars

Have you ever stood somewhere, forgotten where or who you are and just been there in that place at that moment aware of the distinct smell, sound and view of that place? If you have, then have you tried something like an antithesis to this? I mean have you ever imagined a place and imagined its smell, sound and view?

I have and believe me its a wonderful experience. We wake up eat, work, sleep and count our money and do a few other things like building houses, buying stocks, and making babies. For a change why not live in an imaginary world at least for a few minutes? I did and it was like a new door had opened stepping out of which you can grab a fist full of stars, make the Meadows bloom in a second and ask the sea to take a breather.

Its not that hard really. I believe that one of the reasons books are still sold in millions is because they give us the right to imagine whatever we read. But you see something for real and that image takes over. How many of us see Daniel Radcliff every time we read Harry Potter? All of us who saw the movies isn't it?

By the way, don't go overboard. a small dose of imagination may keep the shrink away but too much of it, you definitely need to see one.

Are we HOMO sapience?

This blog is the product of an other interesting blog a friend of mine wrote on homosexuality (http://pidog-thelordspeaks.blogspot.com/). That set me thinking and as you all know me by now promptly came up with a list of questions and possible answers that came to my mind.

Whats unusual about homosexuality?

Apparently nothing. I am sure that if 90% of the population was made of homosexuals, then the heterosexuals will be the ones who will be persecuted. People will say things like, "you know can you imagine, he made out with a girl; yikes, how disgusting!" hahaha! writing this blog is fun.

Whats the link between sex and love?

In truth, a lot. In recent times, sex and sometimes love in itself is reduced to hormone induced urges. Come on we aren't still primates, though they might have more sense than us. Why cant we give ourselves due credit and say that we love someone because they are our ideal company with whom we dare to be our naked selves (figuratively and literally) and we crave to get as close as we can with them at an emotional level. Sex independent of love is just a basic human need that frankly we don't need someone else to satisfy. If you don't know this, then I would say you had the perfect education in a perfect school.

Why the discrimination?

This is a difficult question to answer for me. But then I pulled a few specimens from society and came up with some brilliant but not sure if true answers.

Because according to the champions of the human race, its nonproductive (I don't believe this. Some part of man did remain unevolved.)
Because its unhealthy (well, smoking, drinking, eating junk food, staring at a computer for long hours and so much more are unhealthy.)
Because its the antithesis of family (If gay and lesbians can marry, I am sure they will make as good or rather as bad as any other family.)
Because its against religion (whats wrong with being against religion. By the way, I don't think any God said anything about this. Not even the ten commandments.)
Because its against nature (says who. Nature allows for a lot of diversity in everything and it if it wasn't natural, then we wont have it today.)

Are woman sensitive to this more than men?

Maybe, most writings on homosexuality is by woman. I believe they are more true to emotions than men. But if you want a Freudian kind of logic it would be something like 'all woman dream of being a man and fantasising about sex with themselves as a man is a favourite past time.' I can hear rotten tomatoes swishing through the air.

Please ladies, I didn't say that logic was right.

Ode to villany

I have five beginings for five different stories and I cant make my mind as to what to concentrate on. For once I wish I am Ravana (u need more brains to write than hands). Talking of which something just hit me.

Ravana, even though he was the bad guy was still portrayed as a nice demon who prayed, took care of his people and was in every way as good as Ram except for the fact that he was obsessed with Sita and was too egoistical to confess that he was going nowhere with her anyway. Even the Mahabaratha for its hundreds of villains portrays people as those who chose their side wrongly than as die hard villains. Even Duriyodhana had his redeeming qualities. His defense of Karna against social stigma is a fine example. By the way, if not for his greed, he would have been a good ruler possibly better than the ever preaching Yudishtira.

Comparing them with the current crop of fictious villains, these guys almost look like saints. At least they weren't sadists. Of the few Tamil movies I see, most of the villains are typecast as psychotic. Either he is traumatised by his past, or he is gay, or he is mentally unhinged. Even females who do negative roles are made as if their brain was too lazy to grow. Why the stereotype? Can't a normal man or woman make a choice that makes him a villain.

Even more interesting, why aren't the heroes from the fringes of society? Why isn't a disabled, sick or a mentally unstable person dealing with his problems a hero? Why is a man who isnt a gay but right in every otherway a hero? Even if they are the heroes (like black) why are they still treated as emotional dependents?

It's time someone gave respect to the villains. Why should someone be senseless to be a villain? Why do we always need an excuse to be a villain? After all, when we walk away from a man hurt on the road, to him we are a villain. When we throw everyones wishes to the wind and do what we want in life, we are the villains in all their lives. We are all villains in some way or the other. Whats wrong with that? We dont need a excuse for villany.

Probably, I haven't seen enough regional movies to judge but those I have seen are to be blamed for that. I have made up my mind. I am writing my own stories. They at least please me.

Saiyuki again

"If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha,
If you meet your father, kill your father
Free of everything, you are bound by nothing
live the life that is given to you"

This is not some holy book talking about karma. Its from a badly made anime that attempts but fails miserably to be moralistic. Nevertheless, in a twisted sense, it does make sense and when I am skewed, I need such even more skewed quotes to strengthen my faith and hope in life.

I was depressed, depressed, depressed; boy! I am so used to this feeling that I know exactly when it starts. So what do I do? I watch reruns. And what better rerun than Saiyuki. I know whoever is reading this should feel like strangling me but before I die let me say it to my hearts content. "Saiyuki, saiyuki, saiyuki..."

This anime has taught me the biggest lesson in writing. Never mind the story, never mind the settings, never mind the quality; if the characterization could touch an emotional cord, then you have a winner. Saiyuki is the best example. Most of the time, the drawings are like that of a 3 year old gleefully scribbling over the screen with no specific inspiration in mind. The animation is crude with the characters posing for web tops more often that moving at all. A single line plot that even Son Goku would mock at. The setting is down right stupid and timeless in the sense that one minute its the ancient times when they dressed like museum pieces and the next you are watching an advanced scientific experiment complete with lots and lots of wires and tubes running around like a scifi.

But why do people still watch it? Coz it shows deranged men who are very near their emotional doomsday rise up to survive when threatened. Well the rest of the time they bicker but still someone had a spark of brilliance when they came up with these characters.

I wish I get a spark like that and also some more sense to do justice to it.

The shape of my heart

The shape of my heart, or rather head that acts like a turbulent sea during an emotional storm, is a box. Its not just a box but a series of boxes. Every time I meet someone and get to know them enough to save in memory, they get a box; sort of a welcome kit. I put their specific content in the box and file it away. Now an important property of this box is that it can expand if the relationship grows; a phenomenon that rarely happens but when it does, I need the box to grow.

I notice that most people tend to try and replace people in their hearts (figurative). Now, there are two major disadvantages to this.

• People already living in a plot wont like to quit. Ever tried to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend and start afresh?


• The unreasonable expectation that the person replacing the old one should fit into the space given for the previous owner.

I found this system too boring and annoyingly inefficient. So I came up with the infinity box system. All I have to do is create a new box and put them in there. The advantages of this system are:

• You don't have to go to the trouble of hating someone or forgetting someone to create space inside one box.


• When you want to ignore someone you just don't look up their box.


• The organized boxes make it possible to keep relationships independent of each other. You don't have to follow the "my friends enemy is my enemy" rule.


• Even though you keep relationships in a box, you are not inside a box. You are free and infinite like what we call God.

Now there is just one question you all want to know right? Where is the space? Well there is a whole lot of space left barren while we put ourselves inside the same single box with everyone else. Out of it you are free to govern your relationships with a clear head.

Birthday!

Yesterday was a great day for me. I finally learnt to celebrate my own life. Though it was nice when friends and family wished me well, the most happiest moment was when I sat down for dinner with the most charming person I had ever known. The food was great and the company was even better.

This person thinks like me and shares my passions. With an unfailing sense of humor, the half an hour we spent was the most entertaining part of the day. I decided then and there that come what may, this person is going to stay with me for life. I proposed and like all true love my darling agreed to be there for me, all the time and never leave my side. To celebrate our agreement, we sang "happy birthday to me" over my favorite Ice cream, chocolate.

I got a few curious glances when I smiled to myself all the while. But who gives a damn anyway; I finally learnt that I am my own best friend.